Monday, October 3, 2011

Practically there and nowhere near it.


This title is a Gilmore Girls quote. We have had season 2 playing in our apartment for the last few nights as we explored various epic opportunities within my giant craft tub. I obviously live a good life! Last night we painted. Two nights ago we meticulously glued crayons to canvas; a hairdryer will come later... Bwahaha.



Though Lorelai was talking of a destination, that quote makes me think of the future. It is particularly sensible in the current season of life. Being a third year college student, I hear "What are going to do after you graduate?" at least 8 times a week. The actual answer varies, but the idea remains constant: I HAVE NOT A CLUE. For many in my boat, a feeling of pressure easily escalates, causing stress/tears/fear/whathaveyou. I vaguely remember suffering from much of the same anxiety, but now I'm simply thankful to have been taught great wisdom in that area.

Years ago, we were often warned how different the "real world" would be, referring to post-high school life. For some, that became the truth; kids and marriage and jobs, oh my! Then of course there is the blessed portion of us now deeply into our varying college educations. I consider myself part of the "real world" in highly marginal ways. Perhaps the older folk just sold the "real world" inaccurately; it's not all nasty, brutish, and short. College is indeed the most foreign and awesome thing I'll get to experience. It's a strange, highly customizable stage. Everyone is encouraged to grow and explore and LIVE. Another Gilmore Girls quote comes to mind:

"Reality has no place in our world!" <-- (I heartily second that. At least for now..)

In response to my carefree lack of career plan, some people think I'm irresponsible or immature, too idealistic/naive/dumb/lazy to plan my next ten years in detail. Some of my dearest friends can't understand my attitude in the least. The way I see it [the insight I've been granted], I am not capable yet of proclaiming such bold things about the uncertain tomorrows. I may not live that long! It's not just a morbid exclamation; it's an apparent truth. I will never proclaim to expect a husband, kids, money in excess, success, a name in lights. Those things, though valuable and the ultimate goal of SO many, are not a guarantee.. Like basically everything else. So why put stock in hope that can easily fail? Why concern myself of the details of things I want? Why even worry about what I need? My Father has amply provided thus far - I'm just 17 days short of 21 years! That's over 2 decades of greatest care in every detail. That's insane.

I am blessed beyond reason and understanding. Sin can contort such beauty into pride, jealousy, a loss of contentment... Yet again and again I'm drawn back into a humble state of gratitude for every microscopic aspect of awesome the Lord has pumped into my life. Such a perspective changes my goals and the way I use my time and energy; I should spend and be expended for causes that are worthwhile and truly lasting.

Moral of the story: So far, I know I am given this day. It is so chock full of beauty and glory... Just earlier I was a bit overcome, in fact. It was that gripping feeling of safety and proper placement, even as I float in a vast unknown. I'm taken care of; I'm thankful; I'm ready to find out what to do with all the goodness I don't deserve.

Take my life and let it be 
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee... 
Take my silver and my gold, 
Not a mite would I withhold. 
Take my intellect and use 
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Unto You, I do bring my life.

Just a life I am, singular and fleeting. It's a four letter word scarier and fuller and more wonderful than I deserve.


I'm thankful for this heart that beats and this mind that thinks. It's astounding grayish mush full of electrical currents creating my every musing, feeling, imagination. The heart, our most emphasized muscle, simply pumps blood throbs until it doesn't. Yet to it we attribute the deepest cries of our soul. Mine is surely crying now. But isn't it all just crazy? 


Most days, I forget to think of where and who I was. My hope is this blog will serve as a tribute to the past that made me and springboards me into a future of Light. All the while I am blessed to preserve the NOW in essentially permanent interwebz form. 


I vow to share pedantic bamblings, be useful and/or pointless, dive deep, fly high, speak truth, record randomly, write passionately, and always use oxford commas. 



Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait...